Fear or Desire

Fear & desire, an intertwined dance between two shades of the same color.

Fear is a fickle thing for often it is interlinked with desire. We fear setting off into the world on our own, yet we desire to discover who we truly are. Some fear the responsibility but long to become a parent, while others wish to pursue their dreams yet are terrified of failing. To be afraid is a very human emotion, a notion that could hold us from potential just as much, if not more so, than it could protect us from harm. One cannot simply say, "do not be afraid," for it is one matter to be and a whole different manner to feel. It doesn't matter how absolutely absurd a fear may be to another, for such trepidation holds viable weight to the beholder. No, the most we can offer one another is to be the reliable source of light through the storm, an anchorage point to return to when our fears become too overbearing alone. Yet to be a light nonetheless who encourages exploration, adventure, and to sail despite the storm. You see, dear reader, courage after all is not the idea of being fearless, but the nobility of persevering through the eye of fear itself. The greatest book characters have become heroes by doing the "right" thing, of striving forward on the behalf of others even after one roadblock after another. The odds seem impossible, dripping with hopelessness, and yet the hero keeps going. Such determination through fear and despair, they move forward often in small gestures, making grander impact than perceived. We devour such stories, why? Because it is raw, it is real, and it kindles hope.

By now you may be wondering what I am afraid of. Well, human things like yourself I suppose. These are overwhelmingly questionable and unpredictable times after all. But in truth, I fear that I will never recover, that my health will prevent me from living the many lives I have envisioned for myself. Although, it makes for an easy excuse to place your fate in the hands of mortality, fate, or of another. Therefore, to be even more truthful, I fear that even if I was healthy again, I would ruin my chance at this life. I fear that this is all I will ever be and perhaps I would have none to blame other than myself. Irrational, you may think and so I've been told. I know it may seem ridiculous, yet such fear has consumed the dark recessed of my mind for quite some time now. And still, I desire the chance to try anyways; to try to live my life through fear, mistakes, illness, and health. I may be afraid, but I'm going to live a full life regardless. Maybe a little in spite of such fears as well. Perhaps I make mistakes and my journey doesn't look exactly as I dreamed, so it shall be. I know it will still be beautiful, even more than I could have imagined for this life is mine, darkness and all.

---

Dear reader, what fears grip at your mind, what entangles your heart? Feel free to share if saying the words would relinquish some of its grip but know regardless you are not alone. After all, to be afraid is a very human thing; fear and desire, that is, are a twin flame feeding the soul. So, dance along the line and see what unexpected beauty awaits you.