It's Natural to Feel Lost

In a world full of opinions & expectations being shouted from every which way, it's hard to hear yourself amidst all of the noise.

I am so incredibly, a bit ridiculously, lost. The stretch of which I cannot recall when everything became so unfamiliar, and the sort of lost where I've become a stranger to myself. Although I may have thought otherwise at the time, I don't believe I was trying to go anywhere in particular. Sure, I had ideas on what I wanted to do and where, but nothing finite. I suppose nothing is, finite or promised that is, other than change. And that, my friend is exactly what happened: everything changed. The problem though, is that everything, everyone, keeps changing around me and I can't quite seem to be able to find my place amongst it all.

Perhaps we are all stumbling along confused and doubtful, some more than others, yet I can't help but feel like at some point I just missed the memo. Is this what adulthood is, or it is just me? I can't even begin to separate myself from my sickness anymore, much less what is, or isn't, supposedly "normal." Granted, these are chaotic, slightly terrifying times lacking in hope (for the majority of people), but I shouldn't be so consumingly sad and feel inconceivably alone day in and day out. No matter what, I've always been able to rely on myself... until recently. No matter how hard I try, it feels as if I am failing over and over, seemingly making things worse. My body isn't functioning properly, as if it has given already up on me. I can't think straight and each moment it becomes more challenging to write, my words unclear. Without my writing, I fear I cease to exist beyond myself.

I didn't intend to come here to complain. No, I only intend to be vulnerable here, so those who may feel lost or are struggling as well could feel a little less alone. Find solace in my living story and unfold into my words, for I intend to draw forth comfort from an isolating period we all have experience in one form or another. Our undoing, if you will. As trifling as this desolation of "lostness" maybe, it offers a blank canvas and lack of judgement (and perhaps encouragement for creation). In the beginning, being lost often lead to sparked curiosity and exploration, similar to a child left to their imagination in the forest. However, if you wander too far for too long, a different sense of lostness creeps in. Blanketed in the voices of self-doubt and deprecation, one may begin to unwind, to feel as if they are little, nothing, in this life; alone. Do not let the darkness break you, my friend, for everything comes from nothing, and nothing really is something: potential.

Lost Things Could Become Good, Great Things

Ah, yes, potential. Potential has been an overused, yet undervalued, word abused by adults to shape children into their ideal. But no, I see potential as the brush, if you will, to your blank canvas. The brush does not ask or demand anything of you, it offers an opportunity to simply create. I see potential as the becoming, creating, the unfolding into a good person: striving to do good and lead a content life. The beauty is, this potential is set only by however you make or mean it to be. Being a good person is relative to the eye of the beholder, much like anything else. I think being lost is simply a chance, a calling, for a new adventure. Like the phoenix from the ashes of your past self (or previous life), a new form of person (or life) may be borne. Remember, for it is easy to forget, life is a gift! Take this period as an opportunity to explore who you truly are and how you would like to experience your story. There is no one path for anyone, and it's perfectly usual to become lost every now and then, so long as you do not allow it to consume you. We are constantly changing and evolving, so take this time to dive into the unknown and to try something new. Who knows, you may just re-meet yourself along the way.

Now, I should preface here that the introductory words above were written in my personal journal during a rather low couple of days. Originally, I did not plan to share such cloudy, slightly skewed, thoughts; however, they were, are, raw and real. I don't think we share enough of our contradictions to others, and frankly I would have appreciated knowing that everyone else is trying to piece themselves together as well. Maybe, all this time I would have felt less lonely in my struggles and confusion. That being said, this reflection was taken on a difficult day, and I have found that no grand judgements or decisions should be cast on a bad day. Look, I know that is well easier said than done, we are human after all, yet I see bad days as a storm: there are times when you must brave the weather, and may discover some unexpected joy or adventure from doing so, but more often than not you must simply throw your hands into the air and allow mother nature to run her course. Grab a cuppa tea or hot chocolate, get cozy with a good blanket, and give yourself some grace. It is natural to feel lost at times, yet there is still good to be found where you are. Do not worry so much, we can be lost together, and I know we will find our own way in our own time.

Exploration Tips

Although I am no expert, and I certainly struggle myself, I still want to leave you all with some advice to help you on your own journeys:

1. Check in with yourself & assess the 'environment'

   1. Any adventurer knows to be prepared or at least work with the tools at your disposal. Sit with yourself to understand where you are at, what you want/need, & what needs to change to help you move forward.

   2. Or at least, what could you do now to make where you are more comfortable and to be more content with your life?

      
      

2. Find avenues for expanding interests or for trying new things

   1. I live in a small town with little to no avenues for meeting people or for trying new things [easily]; however, there are plenty of resources out there from your local library, engaging with your neighbors, to the vast internet. Get creative, explore, and don't be afraid to try things and be bad at it (we were all beginners once and I personally am terrible at a great number of things, but I will keep trying... :)

      
      

3. Set self-challenges, games, or an idea/activity bank for guidance

   1. You guys, I kid you not when I say I am 10 times more motivated to do anything if it is a challenge or competition, even if there is no prize. I was a rather competitive child and my [undiagnosed add or adhd whatever] brain eats up patterns and games. How do you think I am even able to write this many blog posts on a somewhat regular schedule?

      
      

4. Start small & meet yourself where you are

   1. Yes, I would love to be more active again and delve into the hobbies I used to love so much (hiking, paddle boarding/kayaking, rock climbing, camping, 4-wheeling), but that simply isn't feasible for where I am at right now. I could bully myself into it, but that would be counterproductive and destroy any joy. When I am feeling up to it and am able, I will lightly dabble in such hobbies; otherwise, I meet myself where I am at and have actually discovered other avenues that I probably never would have (like puzzles... I used to despise puzzles, but now I have 4 of my own).

      
      

5. Build community (for support & to overcome loneliness)

   1. I have my family and I have a few friends, but it can be difficult to connect when I am (mentally and physically) in a different place. They are all rather busy with their own lives and projects, which is great, but sometimes it feels as if I'm falling behind or like I don't quite fit into their worlds. Try to build your own sense of community through shared interests or goals: garden with your neighbor, volunteer with a friend, or start a book club with someone you meet at the library, attend community events and talk to strangers with no expectations, join an online group you feel connected to, go to a coffee shop once a week or month to just engage with whoever or even to be near people, or just spend more time outside (bonus if you go with your dog:)

      
      

6. Find perspective (first, step away from all of the noise, then search for inspiration/sparks)

   1. Get away from social media. Put that phone down, now. I dare you to reduce your screen time a little each day, week, until it no longer becomes an impulse to grab your phone when the air is quiet or in between tasks. I swear my inner dialogue become a bit darker, harsher, and depressing the more isolated I became within all of the internet noise. Despite spending too much time curating a high quality, minimal social media feed, that is still content to judge myself against. Yet, it is unfair to compare my life to internet figures who are in a completely different place than me, and who probably don't share all of the bad or challenging bits along with the 'highlight reels.'

   2. I know it can be uncomfortable, but spending more time with your thoughts will get easier over time and is the only way to truly hear yourself, to know who you are and what truly ignites your soul. The good, the 'bad,' they are all a part of what makes you, you. You will become happier and more at peace when your only comparison is to yourself, so long as such is held with compassionate observation not harsh criticism.

      
      

7. Create, because you are human

   1. It is as simple as that. Create. Something, anything, just create.

BONUS

• Intentional consumption

• Intentional contribution

• Write yourself, or this community, a letter

• Document raw life/moments

• Feel it, then wash it away