Stuck: Finding the Beauty in the Mundane
- Feb 15
- 9 min read
The clumsy dance we’ve all done at one point or another: two steps forward, one step back. Swaying back and forth, this push and pull, without ever moving any further. Seemingly stuck.
The Feeling of Stuck
My life has led me to one of the worst kinds of crossroads: the one that leads to nowhere. Everyone has or will be at this point at least once in their lives. Where no matter which path, you choose, and no matter how or how much effort you put into traveling down that path, you inevitably wind up back where you started: stuck. Going back is not an option, truly for anyone. This type of crossroads is a sort of limbo, if you will. Personally, I am stuck and have been so for well over a year. I’m sure you’ve had the feeling of stuck before, or may be experiencing it now, along with the mixed bag of emotions that come with it: the confused and unsure feelings of what you want, or where you feel that you should be; the frustration of constantly trying to move forward, but never feeling like your efforts are quite enough; trying to take what is in your control to take care of yourself and grow as a person, but often still feeling like you’re “behind” or could be better, or could be doing more; and the loneliness that could come from this “isolation period” where most people do not understand why you are stuck or why you can’t seem to move forward. The feeling of being stuck can be difficult and may last for an unknown amount of time. Yet, the beauty of life is, nothing is permanent. You can move through this feeling of stuck. It will take time and patience, but as long as you continue to choose yourself and your future, then you will make it through.
My Limbo of Crossroads
I have been struggling with my health for years, and I thought I had a handle on everything, until reality slapped me hard across the face and I was forced to address my health head on. In May 2023, about 2 weeks before my university graduation, I finally received a diagnosis, along with a plethora of mixed emotions and spiraling thoughts. The most logical choice at the time was to graduate, then move back home with my parents (two of the strongest, most supportive people I’m so lucky to have fighting in my corner). I have been slowly undergoing treatment for about two and a half years now, with little to no progress… which has been tough on many factors, especially for my mental health. In the beginning, I felt torn between everything I ever wanted to do with my life, who and where I wanted to be, and all I dreamed to accomplish; with having to somehow accept that none of those are an option for me now, and perhaps for who knows how long. It was exceedingly difficult to accept how little control over my own life I had and challenging to let go of my dreams and ideas for myself. Well, at least for the moment.
For the past two years or so, I’ve been stuck at my own crossroads of trying to live my life while also trying to restore my health to the best of my ability. I will not lie, it has not always been easy, but I knew it was important to move through this period. Giving up has never been an option for me, although the thought has been tempting at the worst of times; however, if you stop [fighting, growing, hoping], then you may never be able to get back up again. The hard truth is you are the only one who can save yourself. No one can help you if you are not willing to put in the work yourself, or if you’re not even willing to accept help in the first place. At the lowest of times, hope and determination or consistency can take anyone to the greatest of places. I probably would have been slightly bitter or cynical if anyone said to me what I just did to you when I was at my lowest of lows, but if anything you’ve read up to this point has resonated with you, please stick with me here: I know how challenging it can be to sit with the feeling of being stuck, so I will leave you with a bit of advice and a few actionable steps which personally helped me move through the muck.
Moving Through the Muck
First, I want to mention I am just a simple, certified human bean here sharing my tips and experiences only. My advice may or may not work for you, although I hope it does, even if only a little. No matter how you approach "moving through the muck," it all will take time, for healing and growth happen on your own timeline. So please, try to give yourself some grace and know you may find support here through this community, from family, friends, and hopefully from yourself. Now, let's dive in...
Step 1:
Before you can move through the muck, or in any direction for that matter, you must first acknowledge where you are: stuck. It may seem a bit harsh, but you are already struggling with your own obstacles, so why cause yourself more distress by fighting against yourself and the truth of where you are? Clearly it hasn't made the any situation better, similar to the phrase, "to worry is to suffer twice." If you accept where you are now, then you may begin to work through it; learn to flow with the river rather than against the current (I swear I am not always this cheesy, but such phrases are well known for a reason).
Step 2:
I know it is a cliche, but truly you will be your own closest company for the rest of your life, so you should get to know yourself. In this case, sit with yourself: what are you feeling? What are you struggling with? What are the things you enjoy, both what you can realistically do now and would like to get back into at some point? These are just a few questions to start with and there are plenty of other journaling/reflection questions available out there to help guide this session. Note: all of your thoughts and answers are subject to change over time, so keep checking in!
This step is important, and may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but it will get easier over time and with practice. Personally, I struggled for the longest time with comparing myself now, to the person I used to be or the person I thought I should have been by this point in my life. I constantly would be frustrated with myself, thinking "I used to be able to do this," or "I used to enjoy these things; why does everything have to be so difficult?" The hard, honest truth is, I am not the same person anymore. Definitely a tough pill to swallow, but it can also be liberating; you will not always be the same version of the person you currently are either. We are continuously growing and evolving at our own pace and cycles. Growth isn't linear and cannot be compared to anyone else, or even to past versions of yourself. The sooner you let go of this idea of "who you should be," then the sooner you will be able to settle and expand into the person you are.
Step 3:
This isn't to say you should completely give up on ever being the person you want to be, or on doing all of the things you used to do or have always wanted to do. Having aspirations and goals help center you during challenging moments. They stand as a reminder of where you're heading and why you continue to show up each day. The caveat is, being stuck feels like you're moving in no direction at all and often may seem like you're constantly failing to meet (mostly self-set) expectations. In reality though, everything is continuously changing and evolving, for change is the only constant in life. The progress may be slow and miniscule enough to be nearly perceptible, but in the grand scheme of things, those small changes compound into something grander than you may have ever anticipated.
Comparatively, we are like plants: being "stuck" is when we are in our seed cycle. Day by day we see no growth and are disappointed by the lack of results when we had all of these big expectations, but what we don't see is all of the growth happening below the soil. As soon as a plant touches the sunlight, its growth begins to slowly expand exponentially. It would be unreasonable to expect the plant to bloom flowers or to produce fruit fresh out of the soil; that's unrealistic and the same goes for you. The plant doesn't have all of the tools yet that it needs, just as we don't have all of the skills, knowledge, experiences, tools, and support we need to achieve our goals immediately: such aspects take time to cultivate. Also, we, similar to plants, need our resting periods. If the soil isn't given the proper time to rest, it will become depleted, and the plants will not have the foundational support they need to flourish. By being realistic and compassionate with yourself, you will have a more enjoyable, and surprising, growing life experience. And the bad days will still come, that is only natural, but over time they will occur less often, and you will develop the skills/tools to make those bad days less challenging. So, in summary of that analogy, learn to be more realistic with expectations by meeting yourself where you are, and hold more compassion (and perhaps patience) with yourself, those around you, and with life in general. You are growing within and your time to flourish will come.
Step 4:
Considering I'm dealing with a chronic illness, I never truly know what to expect between each day; therefore, I created different sets of realistic expectations/tasks to align with how I am feeling day by day. For example, I have a list of tasks and activities for "high energy/functioning days" (things I have more physical and mental capacity for), a list for "mid-level functioning days" (typically less physically demanding and require more mental focus), a list of "low days" (little capacity; lite physical tasks I can do on autopilot), and a list of "me days" when I have literally nothing to give. Of course, as adults we all have things we simply have to do and sometimes we have to push through to get them done; otherwise, setting realistic goals and tasks to meet yourself where you are makes a HUGE difference. Not only am I able to make more of each day, but I'm not constantly getting frustrated with myself for not meeting my [unrealistic] expectations, or feeling like I'm failing or not "good enough" (especially when my mind strays to the thought, "this should be easy, I used to be able to do all of these things..." we are all human and need to remember to hold grace for ourselves!). Below I offer an example of how I may arrange my days that may or may not be helpful for you, take it as you will and do what is best for you.
I suggest using your notes app on your phone to create your own set of lists. For reference, this is how I generally structure mine:
3 tasks I need/want to complete that day or week
4 to 5 minor tasks (pulled from one of those "energy" lists previously mentioned) to align with how I'm feeling that day.
These are tasks I would like to do that day, but DO NOT need to be completed immediately. This should be a low stress task or activity
1 self-care activity of the day
personally targeted for my health, but is great for everyone to include, even if it's just 15 minutes to yourself
An intentional reminder for the day/week/month
This is something personal I like to keep in mind, focus on for a short period, but again not utilized as a rigid or stressful goal/habit
Then I have my separate "energy" lists grouped underneath so I may change, add, or reference tasks/activities at any point
I also have additional mini lists personal to me such as things for my garden, interesting creative projects I would like to try, research ideas/topics to explore, self-care activities/tools, general reminders, and so on
Step 5:
Finally, look for the beauty in the present and small, mundane moments. You may not be where or who you want to be, but life is still passing by so you might as well make the most of it. For me, I tend to find that some of the most beautiful aspects in life reside within the small, simple moments that we often take for granted within this fast-pasted society: the warm cup of coffee or tea in the early morning hours, the walk between one place to another, the slow shift between seasons, your dog lazily sleeping in the sun, the smell of rain, the warmth of fresh laundry, the process of cooking a meal for loved ones, reading yet another page past the chapter you meant to stop at, nature and the wonderment of it all. Life is beautiful in its fleeting presence, for life is meant to be lived in this moment, not within the past or unpromised future. So, I implore you to make the most of this very moment and live now for yourself, and for the world around you. You may not be where you want to be, but there is still beauty to be found where you are now; you simply just have to look.
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